dengkikah aku?

lots of things happen in me and i couldnt be anymore happier.

i am not happy. i am not happy. i am not happy. i am so not happy now. i want what i want but i cant seems to achieve it.

maybe i byk dosa kot.. so Tuhan nak tunjuk. I hate being in this state of mind. i think i like to compare myself with others too..and if i think i missed something (dat i tot is wonderful) i’ll become upset.. i will try as much as i can to have it (not in a bad way lah) but u know people cant just have it all rite?.. and i will ask myself why oh why oh why?.

 I was there at the hall this morning, there was one tazkirah ramadhan. the ustadz says about how people become so greedy, very persistance, tak sabar nak jadi hebat. so eager to look marvellous, fab amongst ppl. dari situ akan timbul sifat dengki, pemarah dan kecewa… Ouch!! it hit me. it soo like me.. not saying dat i already become a bad guy here, but i think i have the characteristic of all dat. i hate to admit dat u know.. but dats what really happen. i saw a fren of mine, she’s about my age and she has a doctorate in her resume…. she already hef a doctor before her first name..wtf?? dengkikah aku? ..i kept telling to myself  ‘itu rezki dia,Allah nak bagi, i will have my own sweet time, it is just not there yet’… so i will relax ( a bit). but maybe after awhile, i’ll start to ask back why oh why?… see.. dat is so bad..and i dont like it dat way.. jahatkan aku?

so.. there’s always need to keep on praying and syukur. Syukur is the least thing dat i did kot..sb tu i seems cant get enuff of everything..  bulan ramadhan ni i kena byk bertaubat lah kena banyak mengaji …  so dat i wont ask myself why and why again..

hemppf.. I AM NOT HAPPY YET.